With Change Comes Fear

With Change Comes Fear

As this year ends, I have so much to be grateful for. So much. It is in the hard times you realize all the good that is around you, all that you do have and all you must be thankful for.  

This past year has been hard on many of us in the indie beauty industry. Rising costs, venture backed brands hitting the market with a bang, celebrity brands coming over into the ‘clean’ space and more and more ‘pay to play’ situations. I have seen brands that I deeply respect close their doors and good friends of mine, who I do not know how I would survive without them, move on from their brands that are at the same level as mine. That is a terrifying feeling. Why am I still here when so many brands around me are closing? Naiveté? Hardheadedness? Fear? Do I have a secret sauce? Do I have faith in the brand’s future? At this point, I do not know what it is, but I am still here. That is what I do know. I am so grateful my brand is still standing, through it all, with exciting launches coming in 2024 and although they have taken in some cases 2yrs longer than planned, I am so proud of what we are doing with brand and the direction it is going.  

My personal life has taken a bit of a turn as well, and I am making changes that will bring me much peace in the future, as it has been the future I have been so scared of. I am taking control of it and moving forward, or jumping off, as you will, to see if I land with a thud or come lightly down to Earth and land where I should be. Either way, I’ll be okay, I know that now. I am leaving a city that I have been in for 35 years. One that has seen me through marriages, illness, death, ess and love. The city has changed for me and no longer serves the purpose I feel is mine. I keep waiting for the day I feel like, “What am I doing?” but as I get closer to leaving, I only get more excited. I have friends that are not ‘friends’ but actual family and those people will never leave my life, nor I theirs. I have been away from my actual family for all this time, and it is them I am going back to. I am moving back to Seattle, to where I grew up and to where I feel I can breathe and relax, where I can pop over to see my parents, and where at a moment’s notice, I can either go to the mountains, or the sea, or both! My dad lost his wife and has moved into the building where my mom and stepfather live, and it’s been fun seeing everyone try and figure our family out! He needs more support than any of us can give solo, so it is a joint family effort, and I am grateful I am able to be here to help.  

I have been wanting to do this for a while but have been scared to leave NY and the place where my business is thriving. How will I keep it going if I am not there? I have brought in amazing people, people I should have brought in years ago and I have no choice but to have faith that they will take as good of care as I have and maybe, they will bring it to even better places than I could have ever done, not seeing the forest for the trees so to speak. For them, and their support, I am so grateful (Yes, I pay them, so they must support me, but I feel like they love the brand as much as I do!)  

In doing this, I am also leaving a relationship I have been in for 21 years. We are parting amicably and supportively and for that I am so grateful and thankful.  

I have taken another leap by going back to graduate school. I am getting my Master of Social Work, to help those more who are going through cancer as well as women running their own business. As a solopreneur, I often feel stuck, unable to know if I’m making the right decision or if I am not aware of things I should be and I am very risk averse. I often wish I had someone to help me make decisions and help me feel okay with certain risks and help me make sure I am on the right track. The same goes with cancer treatment. Many decisions must be made quickly and as fast as treatment starts, it ends, and you are left in the world feeling like you’ve gone to battle and not sure what to do when the ‘battle’ ends. Women call me every week for skincare advice and the next thing you know, we’re planning their future after cancer and changes they want to make. Now I can be actually certified to help them! My business won’t change, but it will be enhanced with this new beautiful element.  

My sister has just started her own battle with breast cancer, and I am so grateful I will be by her side as she goes into surgery and be a support as she starts radiation, and her attitude could not be more positive. I am in awe as I did not handle my diagnosis as well. Maybe she learned it’s not helpful to overreact to these things! 😊 She get through this with flying colors I have no doubt as she has always been a high achiever. She is even mad at me for not letting her go to a party the day after surgery!  

So, With change comes fear, but without fear there is now a reward at the end of conquering something you aren’t sure if you can do. 2024 will be the year of conquering a lot! I wish for all of you continues good health, nurturing of special relationships, seeing the forest for the trees and as many laughs as you can find in the upcoming year. We are all in this together and at the end of the day, that is what is important.  

Thank you for the support that at times, I’m not sure what I did to deserve. I love you all. 




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